On “Techie Tuesdays,” I will share something (an app, song for your mp3 player, etc.) here at the blog that I use on my device(s) that contributes to the CHOICE to respond differently in this trial than we have in previous trials. I won’t talk about techie stuff here that isn’t relevant to our goal of honoring the Lord as we go through this trial. My iPod and iPad have been invaluable tools for me as I have navigated the tumultuous waters of this most recent challenge.
TODAY: Even if you don’t have a “device” I think this entry can be encouraging! Give it a try!
Here is the link to my friend, Barb Ravelings, “I Deserve a Donut” iPod or iPhone app. It is only 99 cents! You can download it now and then walk with me through using it, or read this and then decide if you want to download the app.
It is my goal to think the way God does about my situation…about my trial–to renew my mind–and to welcome the transformation that God intends happen through the trial. The greatest strength of Barb’s app is that while it might be specifically intended for dealing with challenges with emotional eating, it has been used by God do this very thing–to transform me over all. This app is SO helpful.
So this is what I am doing even now as I share this with you. The above image shows the screen you get when you select her app on your iPod, iPhone, or iPad. I choose “Emotions” since I am struggling with being teary this morning.
Once I click on EMOTIONS. This is the screen I get:
As you can see, there are more emotions that Barb has included than fit in my screen shot. But for today, I select “Insecurity.” Since insecurity is such a BIG deal with lots of aspects to it, Barb has included a number of options within the “Insecurity” category:
Even Insecurity has a lot of options. So, for me and the situation in which I currently find myself and the reason for my tears, I select “Feeling Rejected/Condemned.”
Upon selecting this option, I find a list of questions followed by statements to consider. These questions, I prayerfully ponder and journal. I will do a bit of that here so you can see the process as it unfolds for me.
Barb’s app gets right down to it instantly:
1. Is it possible to live life without ever being rejected or condemned? If not, what’s the sad truth you’ll have to accept right from the beginning?
No. This is a Genesis 3 world. People sin. People wound other people. So even if I am careful to mind my Ps and Qs, I am likely to be rejected by someone sometime.
2. What did this person do to make you feel rejected or condemned? Be specific.
She verbalized that the commitment to our friendship that was proclaimed previously is no longer “in effect.” In my journal and in my prayers, I am VERY specific about what was said and what has happened to make this particular revelation so unbelievably painful to me. I pour it all out and in effect “tell on her” to God. It is important to be specific.
3. Does she do this sort of thing with other people, or does she only do it with you? If she only does it with you, why do you think she only does it with you?
At this point, I am actually perversely encouraged. Instead of my trial being ALL ABOUT ME, I begin to see that the person who is wounding me is, perhaps “broken” themselves. Even as I type these things here, I realize that the heart of God toward this person is one of love and compassion. God is saddened, too, that she has wounded me so much. I find myself even now, through my tears, wanting to renew my commitment to always being there for this person no matter what. I am convinced that this is evidence of God being present in this time with me.
4. Do you think her behavior is a sign that she doesn’t love or respect you in particular, or is this just an example of the way she responds to people in general?
She responds this way to everyone—it just took longer to respond to me that way. The fact that it has taken this long for her to speak of breaking her commitment to me perhaps indicates that she has *more* respect and love for me than others in her life over the years. But the answer is that she definitely has a history and a “track record” of being loyal to no one except me. Again, my heart is encouraged as I realize this. It doesn’t make my situation any better, but it definitely demonstrates that this is an issue of the person’s heart, not an issue of whether or not I am worthy of love or respect.
5. Did you do anything to make this person reject or condemn you? Following this question are a series of options that break things down, encouraging me to really evaluate thoroughly what I have done or not done, how God feels about what I have done, what God may want me to do about what I have done (if anything) and so on. This is a great section to pray through with a soft, willing heart. Often, what causes us to feel rejected may be our own sense of conviction of our sin. We may not be being rejected at all, but just sense we need to seek forgiveness of the one we fear will reject or condemn us. On the other hand, there may be a very real response to something we have done and we need to look at how God wants us to handle it now. “Now what?”
If I haven’t done anything that caused this person to reject or condemn me, is there anything I need to accept about this person and how she handles relationships?
I have contributed to this person rejecting me, certainly, but I also can tell that there are some character issues that cause this person to behave this way. I have to accept some things about this person and the way she handles relationships. She will always consider walking away an option. She will likely not ever be committed and it might not take a very big reason for her to feel the freedom to walk away. I have to accept that she will be quick to judge me and to find me wanting. Along with the good in our relationship, there will be a lot of my not feeling accepted and not feeling loved. Because there are trust issues (when a commitment is broken, there usually are), I may always wonder if things are truly as they seem. I have to be ok with the unknown. I have to put my hand in God’s hand and trust HIM with the relationship.
6. Is God’s love enough to satisfy you even if this person rejects or condemns you?
Yes. God’s love IS enough. Even if I am flat out rejected by this person, it will be for my holiness. God may allow it. If he allows it, it is for GOOD and my holiness and His glory. God’s love is ENOUGH. It may not be easy to live aware of this truth constantly, but it is nevertheless true. A verse I have been memorizing is:
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
~ Psalm 73:23-26
7. What do you think God wants to do for you in the midst of this difficult situation? (See insecurity verses for ideas.) Barb has a bunch of Bible verses that can minister to us in our insecurity. They are wonderful to look up, study, journal and pray through, and memorize.
Based on the verses that Barb has included, I get these answers to the above question:
- God wants to be my shield, my glory, and to lift my head (Psalm 3:3)
- He is the defense of my life and he wants me not to dread anyone or anything. In the day of trouble, He conceals me in His tabernacle; He wants to lift me up on a rock. (Psalm 27: 1b, 5)
- He wants to establish my steps. He delights in my way. He will not let me be hurled headlong when I fall. He wants to hold my hand. (Psalm 37:23-24)
- He wants to be my refuge and my fortress. He wants me to trust him. He delivers me from the snares of life. He will cover me with his feathers and hide me under his wings where I can seek refuge. He is faithful to me. (Psalm 91:2-4)
- He wants me to rest in the fact that He has made me fearfully and wonderfully. He wants my soul to sit in and know this truth. (Psalm 139:13-15)
- He wants to build me up. He gathers me–as any outcast–to himself. He heals the brokenhearted and wants to heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. (Psalm 147:2-3)
- He wants to change my name. Instead of “Forsaken,” “Rejected,” “Desolate,” “Unwanted,” He calls me “My delight is in her.” He delights in me and as a bridegroom rejoices over the bride, my God rejoices over me! (Isaiah 62:4a, 5b)
- He remembers me; His heart yearns for me; He has mercy on me. (Jeremiah 31:20)
- He has loved me with an everlasting love and drawn me closer to himself with loving kindness. He will build me up again. He will cause me to dance and rejoice again some day! (Jeremiah 31:3,4)
- He is in my midst as a victorious warrior. He exults over me with joy. He quiets me with his love. He rejoices over me with shouts of joy! (Zephaniah 3:17)
- He is coming to me to dwell with me. (Zechariah 2:10)
- He demonstrates His love for me in that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. (Romans 5:8) He loves me!
- I am His workmanship, created for things to do that He calls me to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
- He will complete the work in me that he has begun. (Philippians 1:6)
- He does NOT condemn me! (Romans 8:1)
- Nothing will separate me from His love. (Romans 8:35, 38,39)
- I am his own possession. He showers me with mercy. (1 Peter 2:9.10)
8. Who are you in God’s eyes?
Many of the above verses and others that I have journaled speak of this. In fact, this is something that we will be looking at in the days to come at this blog as I find it is VERY helpful in handling trials in a way that brings God glory and me the good that He intends through them. When I use this app, I go over this again. It is very affirming. If you wonder who you are in Christ, have a look at Who I Am In Christ which is a pdf document.
9. How do you think God wants you to respond to this person who is condemning or rejecting you?
Sometimes, when trials come to us through others, we feel like we have no control. They have all the cards. The reality, however, is that I get to choose how I will respond to this person’s treatment of me. I am convinced to the core of who I am that God is calling me to love this person for the rest of my life. Accepting what I must accept about this person and the affect it may have on me, knowing that I must walk in ongoing forgiveness, I know that I am called to love, to be here for them no matter what. There is such peace in submitting to God’s authority in this. His calling. His invitation. It will ultimately have to be His strength that enables me to do this.
10. Is there anything I need to accept?
That this person may walk away and never come back. That God is calling me to holiness which is VERY painful sometimes. He is more concerned with my holiness than he is my happiness. I am called to die to self. If letting go of this person (should God call me to do this) ultimately enables her to see God more clearly, it will be worth it.
After the questions in the app, there are some statements that are very helpful to consider. There are times when I have used this app every day–it has made a huge impact on my life! I really believe it can have a positive impact on yours as well. In fact, I know it will help me manage differently as I go through this trial right now, too.
1. If you have an iPod, iPhone, or iPad, download this app and give it a try! Share with us here what happens!
2. Use the questions that I have shared with you here to process your trial right now (that is if rejection or condemnation are emotions that fit for you). Prayerfully process the questions and see if God uses them to help your mind be renewed.